Pressures of Perfection

"Fake it till you make it" is one of my favorite sayings.
With enough encouragement and positive affirmations you can convince yourself of almost anything.
Confidence is one of my strongest attributes. But what you don't know is that I have an insecurity that has been plaguing the back of my mind for years.

 I really started noticing it in Jr. High school. People I thought were my friends brought to light an imperfection that I was blissfully unaware of.
Beaky. That's the first name I remember. I was standing at my locker putting on some lip gloss when the comment was made. I carefully inspected my profile and noticed that indeed my nose was humpy.

People have asked to feel it. I have been counseled that I would make a really good Halloween witch multiple times. I remember once on my church mission someone answered their door and said "nice schnozz."

Each time one of these comments has been made, it cracks my confidence. My belief in myself to be anything and anyone I want slowly becomes limited to "the girl with the big nose."

There are some days that having this insecurity feels like a flashing neon sign and the only thing that people notice about me when they see me. But in reality, I'm sure it's quite the opposite. That in reality the people that really love me hardly notice.

Every morning I look in the mirror and reflect on all the blessings and good things in my life. But there is always the little voice in the back of my mind saying "I'm sure I would be happier if I could just change this one thing about myself." But.. it's no secret that there will always be things we don't love. It's the conditions of mortality and living in a fallen world. We will never be truly happy in the flesh.


I want to be brave. I want to be confident in my own beauty and happy with the way God made me.
But it is SO HARD.

There is such a constant level of perfection and standards of beauty that are unattainable and insignificant.
What if instead we focused on a person's worth and contribution to the betterment of our world, rather than things they can't really change?
What if everyday we looked for the beauty in people instead of the imperfections?

Sometimes I think that my nose is holding me back from becoming the real me. But in reality, it is what makes me unique and special. When people see me they see more than just my nose. They see my smile, my eyes, and the passion and zeal I have for life.

When I hold myself to a standard of having a narrow nose, I am in turn having a narrow mind. And those that can't accept me for the beautiful person that I am because they are too hung up on an imperfection... they are narrow minded too. And they are missing out. I would much rather be ravishingly interesting than drop-dead gorgeous. Beauty always fades with time.

"Anyone can be pretty with enough engineering. Interesting is more than just dyeing your hair pink or getting a septum piercing. Interesting requires genes. An interesting beauty stands out from the crowd."

And besides all of that - big noses are sought after in many countries outside of the USA. They display such a sense of pride in your heritage! If someone tells you that you have a big nose, it is a compliment, because along with that, it comes with the associate that you have wisdom and prosperity. Ancient mythology Goddesses and much of European art are depicted with women having larger noses because without them, they are completely boring.

At the end of the day, I may suffer with this insecurity but I don't know if I would want it any other way. I do not want to be just another cookie cutter pretty girl, I don't want to be just another face in the crowd. I want to be Marissa and I want to be happy with that being enough.

Your insecurities do not define who you are. They make you special and they make you worth knowing. You can always change something you don't like, but I also feel like there will always be something you need to change, so you might as well learn to love and respect yourself the way that the people who truly love you do.

Don't change - your imperfections make you sparkle.