Pressures of Perfection

"Fake it till you make it" is one of my favorite sayings.
With enough encouragement and positive affirmations you can convince yourself of almost anything.
Confidence is one of my strongest attributes. But what you don't know is that I have an insecurity that has been plaguing the back of my mind for years.

 I really started noticing it in Jr. High school. People I thought were my friends brought to light an imperfection that I was blissfully unaware of.
Beaky. That's the first name I remember. I was standing at my locker putting on some lip gloss when the comment was made. I carefully inspected my profile and noticed that indeed my nose was humpy.

People have asked to feel it. I have been counseled that I would make a really good Halloween witch multiple times. I remember once on my church mission someone answered their door and said "nice schnozz."

Each time one of these comments has been made, it cracks my confidence. My belief in myself to be anything and anyone I want slowly becomes limited to "the girl with the big nose."

There are some days that having this insecurity feels like a flashing neon sign and the only thing that people notice about me when they see me. But in reality, I'm sure it's quite the opposite. That in reality the people that really love me hardly notice.

Every morning I look in the mirror and reflect on all the blessings and good things in my life. But there is always the little voice in the back of my mind saying "I'm sure I would be happier if I could just change this one thing about myself." But.. it's no secret that there will always be things we don't love. It's the conditions of mortality and living in a fallen world. We will never be truly happy in the flesh.


I want to be brave. I want to be confident in my own beauty and happy with the way God made me.
But it is SO HARD.

There is such a constant level of perfection and standards of beauty that are unattainable and insignificant.
What if instead we focused on a person's worth and contribution to the betterment of our world, rather than things they can't really change?
What if everyday we looked for the beauty in people instead of the imperfections?

Sometimes I think that my nose is holding me back from becoming the real me. But in reality, it is what makes me unique and special. When people see me they see more than just my nose. They see my smile, my eyes, and the passion and zeal I have for life.

When I hold myself to a standard of having a narrow nose, I am in turn having a narrow mind. And those that can't accept me for the beautiful person that I am because they are too hung up on an imperfection... they are narrow minded too. And they are missing out. I would much rather be ravishingly interesting than drop-dead gorgeous. Beauty always fades with time.

"Anyone can be pretty with enough engineering. Interesting is more than just dyeing your hair pink or getting a septum piercing. Interesting requires genes. An interesting beauty stands out from the crowd."

And besides all of that - big noses are sought after in many countries outside of the USA. They display such a sense of pride in your heritage! If someone tells you that you have a big nose, it is a compliment, because along with that, it comes with the associate that you have wisdom and prosperity. Ancient mythology Goddesses and much of European art are depicted with women having larger noses because without them, they are completely boring.

At the end of the day, I may suffer with this insecurity but I don't know if I would want it any other way. I do not want to be just another cookie cutter pretty girl, I don't want to be just another face in the crowd. I want to be Marissa and I want to be happy with that being enough.

Your insecurities do not define who you are. They make you special and they make you worth knowing. You can always change something you don't like, but I also feel like there will always be something you need to change, so you might as well learn to love and respect yourself the way that the people who truly love you do.

Don't change - your imperfections make you sparkle.

Why I am a Music Student

I have been thinking a lot lately about the WHY’s of my life. Why do I do things? For personal fulfillment, or obligation? I think the whole point of going to college is to learn for ourselves, so that we can give back to the world; a time to focus on how we want to benefit others. So why on the earth would you go to college to study music?

I think there is a few things people don’t realize. The whole reason musicians do what we do – and for that matter… singers, photographers, actors, dancers, and artists in general – isn’t because we just think it’s fun or we’re not good at anything else.

It’s because we have found that the best way to inspire OTHERS and to give back to the world around us, is through our art form. When we are playing a concert, we are playing it for YOU. We’re not playing it for ourselves. So for me, studying music is a no brainer. I love to bring people joy.

Sometimes when you’re listening to music, you may have something that I’d like to refer to as a “musical moment.” At this moment, you feel a connection to something greater than yourself. Call it good energy if you like, but for me, this is the way that I feel the spirit of God.

God gave us many ways to find access to him while we are on this journey of life. And I strongly believe that music is one of them. Have you ever been so moved that a “musical moment” brought you to tears?

I can think of many. Most recently, I was playing a marimba arrangement of the song “Over the Rainbow.” I was playing in a recital hall all by myself, preparing for my recital the next day. Notes ascended up the keyboard into a climax and then settled into a quiet “why, then oh why can’t I”…. and I felt very emotional. Unfortunately my performance the next day didn’t go as well as I would have liked, but I will never forget that moment that I had with the marimba on that lonely stage. I hope I get another opportunity to have my audience feel what I experienced.

Music is literally what feelings sound like. It puts substance to our emotions and innermost thoughts. It brings people together.

Being a music student is taxing. I go to bed physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted in every way each day. There are many things I don’t get credits or recognized for. Many of my classes require hours and hours of practicing yet are 1 credit. I maxx out each semester on 18 credits…. When in actuality it feels like 25. Every hour of my day is planned and most days I pack a lunch and dinner.

It is so hard sometimes to not get burned out. But the things that are hard… are worth it. Isn’t that true in life?

I want each day to get better. I want to push myself. I have learned many times throughout my life that you will never grow in your comfort zone. Those that strive for greatness will achieve such. Music is the best way for me to keep growing and learning because I am passionate about it.

Being a music student is ridiculous. Sometimes it is discouraging. I can make mistake after mistake after mistake and get so frustrated…. But that makes all the perfect moments that much better. It’s a constant war in my mind of feeling inadequate and feeling inspired. Sometimes I have to remind myself that at the end of the day the only person I should compare myself to…. Is myself. I should become a better musician because I want to be.

If life is passing you by too fast, don’t forget to take a minute and breathe. Remember why you are doing in in the first place.

I see the arts declining in our society of technology that we live in. I want to keep the arts alive. I want people to attend real live concerts, support their communities, and I want teachers to be recognized as some of the biggest affecters of the next generations.  I hope that you can help me in this cause! Music blesses our lives in so many ways!

I would love for you to leave a comment on this post and let me know how music changes your life. I think it is important that we remember how much it means to all of us, and especially to remind us music students that you need us in this world!

Love, Marissa

college cuisine: quinoa kale salad

lately...... i've been trying to healthy binge eat.

cleaning out my cupboards has been nice. in turn i have been cleaning out my closet.... and i'm going to stop hanging onto the hope that all the pants i used to wear will fit again next week. or maybe the next week.... well.... it's just time to move on.

despite the too small pants, i still want to eat things i like. but things that are healthy too.

granted there are the nights when i just can't stay away from taco tuesday at cafe rio.

but for the most part, i've been doing pretty dang good.

i'd like to share some of my successes with fellow college students

------------->   and anyone else that cares.

sometimes... we just don't know how to cook.

and everyone can use a little direction, right?

QUINOA KALE SALAD

ingredients and where to find them! (sometimes half the struggle is where to find ingredients.)

• 4 cups of cooked Quinoa. (1 cup uncooked) (found by the rice)
• 3 cups of Kale (found in the vegetables. Look around by the salad mixes as well as the other vegetables. sometimes if you want pure kale, it is hiding.)
• 3/4 cup Pine Nuts (i looked in the isle by the baking goods and the nuts but couldn't find them there. found the pine nuts over by the vegetable section where they have salad toppings etc.)
• 1/2 cup Fresh Mint (found by the herbs in the vegetable section)
• 1 cup Golden Raisins (I honestly don't remember where I found these. By the normal raisins????)
• 1/2 cup Fresh Parmesan (found over by the cheese section. I got the kind you have to grate because it's cheaper.)
• 1 red onion (found by the vegetables. try to pick a sweet one because the kale is pretty bitter!)
• Balsamic Vinegar
• Olive Oil
• Salt and Pepper
• (some shredded chicken and cherry tomatoes are optional but i think would make great additions.)

STEP 1: cook your quinoa.

Remember that quinoa has a 1 to 4 ratio. So if you need 4 cups of cooked quinoa, then you need to COOK 1 CUP.

The second thing is remember your water ratio. For every cup of uncooked quinoa, double the amount, and that's how much water you need.

FOR OUR DISH. Pour 1 cup of uncooked quinoa and 2 cups of water into a pot and bring it to a boil.

ONCE BOILING turn it to low, put the lid on (or in my case a plate since i couldn't find a lid) and let it simmer for 15 mins. stir it a few times during the process.

-------------While your quinoa is cooking you can prep the rest of the ingredients.

STEP 2: massage your kale.

Please wash your hands before doing this...

Dump your 3 cups of kale into a big bowel. Splash about 2 tbs of oil and 2 tbs of balsamic vinegar into the bowl as well. THEN massage the kale so that it becomes tender and wilty. this will take away some of the bitterness and make it easier to eat.

It should look sort-of like this................

STEP 3: mint me.

I LOVE THE SMELL OF MINT. I'm going to start putting it in everything.

measure out about 1/2 cup of mint. then rip it into tiny pieces and toss it in the bowl with the kale.

Ripping up the mint will help release the flavor!!!! MMMMMM

STEP 4: onion tears.

cut your onion in half and chop it up into little pieces. TOSS IN THE BOWL

*please don't forget about your quinoa. it should be about done by now! once the 15 mins are up, take off the lid, and fluff it with a fork. let it cool off for a few minutes!

STEP 5: accessorize

here's where the good stuff comes in. add your pine nuts and your golden raisins.

let me tell you... the golden raisins are the golden child of this salad. the burst of sweet against all the bitter is AMAZING.... I CAN'T GET ENOUGH.

STEP 6: finishing touches.

now you want to add in your quinoa! pour it in the bowl, add some salt and pepper, and toss everything together. I used a spatula. just make sure that you get all the goodness at the bottom of the bowl evenly distributed!

last but not least add in that cheese. sprinkle on top for a beautiful and healthy meal!

a couple of afterthoughts.

1. This salad is great on its own! But I think next time I might make a few additions.

I think some little cherry tomatoes would be great in this salad. There are a lot of bitter flavors and I have quite the sweet palatte.... so adding some tomatoes sounds like a great idea for next time.

2. I also think this meal would be great with some shredded chicken! get some protein in there! That is a great thing about this salad though... it's very adaptable!

3. I'm definitely getting some good mileage out of this salad. I would say this can feed me 3 times. You can always double this recipe so that you can eat it for even more meals. It will stay good for over a week and the flavors will just keep getting better.

Thank you for tuning into this weeks episode of college cuisine!

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think and if you give it a try!

Love, The Starving Artist.